| Fuck Valentine's Day |
[14 Feb 2007|11:38am] |
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
He broke my heart. He stomped on it and made me feel like I wasn't good enough - not good enough for him. I miss him. I miss being stressed out from homework, then just getting a random phone call from that cute, happy voice, who's always willing to cheer me up. I miss hugging him. I miss holding him. I miss when he holds me from behind and kisses me on the top of my head. I miss sharing my deepest secrets with him and being able to tell him anything I'm feeling. I miss the moments he'd look into my eyes... those precious moments where he'd just stare deeply at me and tell me I'm beautiful. While I have been able to forgive myself for all the times that I took advantage of him, for the reason that I always figured he'd be there and never expected it to end. Even if he broke my heart, I still think he's the most amazing, sweet, adorable, loving, kindest person in the world. While I thank God for putting him in my life for the last year and a half, I still wish everything was okay. Despite all the pain he's caused me these past few weeks, I still love him. I still love everything about him. This whole ordeal has made me realize that I have to hold onto important people very closely. I should never assume that they will always be there and allow myself to treat them unkindly. I just wish I could tell him how I still think he's amazing and all the things I feel inside...but he doesn't want to hear it. So I'll just babble here. The snow reminds me of our first time being snowed in together, where we went sledding down my hill. I miss the way we could act like playful 5 year olds and not care what anyone else thinks of us. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I love him.
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| yo kids |
[20 Nov 2006|12:48am] |
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Haha I forgot I had this thing. But yeah I've gotten so lazy with updating this...except now I actually have something interesting in my life to talk about.
Yesterday morning, we picked up Andrew then went home for a little before getting on the train to NYC. We got Wendy's on the way to the train station and to make a long story short, and also because I don't hold grudges, Andrew and I ended up missing the train we were supposed to go on and we got into a huge fight over that. We got on the next train and I was really nervous because it was supposed to arrive in NYC at 1:35, and The Wedding Singer was starting at 2. We then realized how stupid we acted and made up, of course. In the end, we arrived in NYC at like 1:30, then we sprinted through Penn Station to the exit and sprinted in front of tons of people to get a cab. Then there was a lot of traffic, so I started getting really tense that we would be late. But in the end, we got there at like 1:50, so I was very relieved.
Let me say that first of all we had fucking AMAZING seats. They were on the bottom level and right in the center, so it was a perfect view. And, this is the crazy thing. The tickets, at original price, were $112. Considering I was paying for both mine and Andrew's tickets, after he paid for my ticket to a hockey game that he took me too, I was like hell naw I don't have that much money to spend on one event. So all I did was type "cheap broadway tickets" into google, and I was able to find a GREAT deal on tickets for $66. It was amazing. I was so proud of myself. But anyway, the Wedding Singer was FUCKING AMAZING. I loved it so much. And so did Andrew. I knew this would be a perfect show for us to see because it was hilarious, yet cute and romantic sometimes lol. If you have seen the movie, Stephen Lynch was Adam Sandler's character, Robbie Hart. He was AMAZING. Like amazing x 384327843297324872437432. He was so funny... I cracked up at almost every line he said. Well the ones that were supposed to be funny, anyway. But seriously, I love him so much. Even though he's a comedian (he's on Comedy Central like all the time), he has an amazing voice. Ahhh. Amazing. And of course, CONSTANTINE MAROULIS. Oh man, I was so pissed that I couldn't go see the American Idol tour 2 years ago. I really would have only wanted to see him. And he was AMAZING as well in the wedding singer as Sammy (if you refer to the movie, that's Adam Sandler's best friend). His voice sounded SO good. And that man can dance. And act. He can basically do ANYTHING. Ahhhhhhh he is one of my favorite American Idols of all time. Him and Kelly Clarkson are definitely top 2. But anyway there was this one part during the show where Stephen, Constantine, and this other guy ran down the aisles where we were sitting and I almost died. Constantine was like 2 feet away from me. I was like HOOOOOOLY SHIT. I can't even express how much I loved this show. The music was so catchy and great, the choreography was great, the acting was great, the cast was great...GO SEE THIS SHOW. You will love it. Seriously. Now, for the even better part.
At the end of the show, I told Andrew I wanted to try to meet the cast (aka Stephen and Constantine) and he originally said he didn't want to and that he didnt think it was possible so then I begged him and told him it never hurts to try, and on that note, we found the stage door and saw the cast members come out. I got the autographs of many mediocre people in the cast, and then STEPHEN LYNCH came out. He signed my Playbill. And then I told him he was amazing and he said thanks! Yeah, you know, we are pretty much in love now :p I wish I could have taken a picture with him, but 1) I didn't know if it was allowed and 2) My fabulous boyfriend was nowhere to be found at this moment, so I wouldn't have had anyone to take the picture :( but I did take pictures of him, which was almost as good. So then I told Andrew he had to stay by me in case Constantine came out, and HE DID!!!! Once he came out I was like Hi! Can I take a picture with you? And he was like "Sure" so I was like YESSSSS. Then these bitchass women were all like WE WANT PICTURES TOOOOOOO and they took like 20 pics with him, so then I was beginning to think he forgot about me and so I asked him again if we could take a picture together, and again he said sure in his hot Greek accent. So then we did, and here it is!
Also, here is the one good picture I took of Stephen Lynch (the rest were blurry)
After I took that pic with Constantine, I told him I voted for him every week, and he said thanks. Again, we are basically madly in love now. You know you know. Ha. He seemed a little weirded out when I said I voted for him though. Hmm. But anyway, I couldn't believe it. I was like shaking afterwards. I can't believe I met Constantine! AHHHHHH AMAZING. Anyway. Oh and I forgot to mention. Constantine's absolute best line in the movie was during his song, called Single, where he talks about how much fun it is to be single... he says "I don't need a girl who don't understand when I got a date with my left hand"...I CRACKED UP and almost fell out of my seat when he said that. I was like DAMN CONSTANTINE. Hahahaha hilarious.
After that, we got in a cab and went to Andrew's sister's apartment, where she and her boyfriend had friends over to watch the Auburn vs Alabama game. After it was over and Alabama lost, we watched the Michigan vs Ohio State game, which was a great game considering it was so close, but Ohio State ended up winning, boo. I wanted Michigan to win. After watching the games, Andrew and I went out to dinner at this really nice Italian restaurant. I had the most amazing lemon chicken ever. Mmmmm. We talked about a lot of stuff there and had some great conversations. It was really relaxing and fun. Then we got in another cab to get on a train back home.
The train ride back home was so much fun. There were barely any moments where Andrew and I weren't laughing about something. Such as when he tried convincing me that the members of NSYNC are the voices of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hahahaha nice try love. Also, we have a secret handshake. And it is quite awesome. Yes yes, I know you're jealous. Plus, we took lots of cute pictures together.
There are more, but those are my favorites.
The next day (aka today), Andrew and I got up and I taught him (ha or rather he learned by reading the paper) how to make Red Lobster biscuits. They were sooo delicious! Just like when I made them in food class. Then a little later, we went out to lunch at the Heritage Grill. After, we got dessert at, you guessed it, Denville Dairy. Then we went back home and had to take Andrew back home :( I was so sad because we had so much fun together this weekend, and I really feel like we got sooooo much closer. I mean not that we weren't close (after almost 1.5 years...yeah, we are very close) but this was one of the most amazing times we've ever spent together. I love him so much and I'm really glad we did this. And wooooo wedding singer!
Okay, bedtime now...now if you actually took the time to read this whole thing, congratulations. And comment me =)
EDIT: None of the pics worked haha, so go here http://good-times.webshots.com/album/555708147fHPIxp
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| HAHAHAHA |
[09 Nov 2006|02:02am] |
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( hahaha i have the best boyfriend ever )
Andrew and I are seeing The Wedding Singer on broadway on the 18th. I'm SO excited! I love the movie and from what I have seen on youtube the musical looks great too. Plus perhaps my favorite American Idol of all time Constantine Maroulis is in it (AHHHHH!!!!<33333) and Stephen Lynch stars in it as Robbie Hart (if you've seen the movie, that's Adam Sandler's character). I've only heard a little bit of Stephen's stuff from my brother who loves him and Dane Cook and a bunch of other comedians. But I thought that since we are seeing the show I'd actually listen to more. And what can I say...he is fucking hysterical!!! The best line in the song I'm listening to now is "And if I were gay, we would tear down the walls. But I'm not gay, so stop cupping my ba...hand."
HILARIOUS.
God this is going to be so much fun =)
SO EXCITED!
Real update soon maybe perhaps. 4 day weekend! Woooo!
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| Suddenly I feel motivated to update this again |
[15 Oct 2006|12:35am] |
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So yeah, look at that, I'm back again. Who knows how long this streak will last? lol. Anyways. Today I got up super early for the SATs. I was doing well with being on time, and then when I got outside my windows were FROZEN. I started flipping out until my parents came and cleaned it off...but once I got on route 80 it was fine and I made it to Par Hills in time. The SATs. Hmm. They were MUCH easier and less stressful this time around. But honestly, I'm not sure how I did. I know I skipped a few in the reading section because I just had no clue what the answer was, but in the math section I skipped SOOOOOO many, not really because I didn't know how to do them, but because i fucking ran out of time! I spent too much time on some questions so I always ran out of time. Ahhhhh damn it. The writing section was super easy and I'm not really worried about that. But honestly, I am not sure if I reached my goal of over 600 on the reading and math. I mean, it's possible, but ehhhh... I just don't know. If I didn't skip so many I think I'd be more confident that I got it =/ siiiiigggghhh. I was hoping it would all be over today. No more SATs for the rest of my life. But right about now, I am about 60% sure I'm taking them one last time. Ahhh. These next few weeks will be very tough to get through since I will always be thinking about my scores.
A little after the SATs, I went shopping with my parents in the Secaucus outlets. I got two shirts at DKNY (<3333333 that store, I wish we had it here :( ) and some makeup. After that, I went back home for a little and then went to Coldstone to meet up with everyone but no one but Marissa ended up getting anything. It was me, Vi, Kelly, Marissa, Greg, and Lilia at first. Then Marissa and Greg left and me, Vi, Lilia, and Kelly left to go watch Lilia's sister perform in her school's talent show lol but by the time we got there, she had gone already, so we left. Then, we decided to go bowling, but once we got there we weren't in the mood for it anymore. Then we decided we wanted to play pool since it was right next door, but then the place was looking extra sketchy tonight so we left too and sat in Kelly's car for awhile just chilling and talking. Although that may not seem too entertaining, it really was. After that, we drove to Denville Dairy to get ice cream and with my special employee discount we all had to only pay $1.27 for a kiddie cup. It was sweeeeet. I got mint oreo ice cream...it is the LOVE OF MY LIFE. Sorry Andrew :p. Finally, we went to my house and watched High School Musical and cracked up at it the whole time. It really is a corny and stupid movie, but I just LOVE IT so much! It's addicting and soooo entertaining. I guess it has that sort of Napoleon Dynamite appeal... stupid but fun to watch. Hahaha. A little later, Greg, Eddie, and Justin came over towards the end of the movie which we barely watched because we were too busy talking and cracking up at stuff. It really was a very eventful evening...and to think, everything we did occured within the course of like 4 hours lol. That's really not that much if you think about all that I mentioned. But all in all, it was quite a fun night.
Alright well that's all for now. Later!
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| guess whos back |
[13 Oct 2006|09:28pm] |
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Wow, I haven't updated this in forever. I've always been meaning to but I've just been soooooooo busy. I guess I'll do the typical school update first.
A DAY:
Gym: I. HATE. HAVING. GYM. FIRST. THING. IN. THE. MORNING. Uggghhhh. It sucks. Plus since our other gym is under construction the stupid freshman are in gym with everyone else therefore there is not enough space for like a fourth of the kids in gym class. Being part of that fourth, we are forced to go outside onto the tennis courts, which are FREEZING COLD at fucking 8 am. Ahhhh. But anyway in gym I'm doing FOOTBALL. I know, me, doing football. I didn't exactly pick it - when they gave us the option they called it soccer/football, which I interpreted to mean, some people play soccer and some people play football. I like soccer, which is why I picked it. But NOPE. We've been playing football. And I suck. haha. It's embarrassing too when the varsity football captain is on your team with people like me who suck. Mmm yeah. Gym.
World Lit A: I like the class as far as the material we are learning.. it's pretty interesting to read actually. We're reading Indian literature and its actually good, especially this one contemporary story we read about a couple with a troubled marriage called A Temporary Matter, omg I loved it. But I DESPISE Mrs. Yaeger. DESPISE. I like her as a person, I mean she is very nice, but as a teacher I CANNOT STAND HER. She has the most monotone voice ever and is such a tough grader on everything! I think she may even be more rough of a grader than Miss Nic in AP Lit last year, and THAT WAS TOUGH. Ahhhhhh but she makes me want to scream everytime I hear her voice. I've had such good lit teachers throughout high school....freshman and sophomore year with Miss Bauer, who I LOVED and who LOVED me, and who is therefore writing me my teacher recommendation for college. Actually she wrote it already and she says it was "beautiful", so I'm glad. But anyway yeah. I dislike Mrs. Yaeger. As well as a lot of the kids in the class. Lots of them are juniors who are just freeeeeeeaaaaaaaakin obnoxious. Blah. Not enjoying Lit.
Calc: I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO x 345824732874832749327491732917239713297194732947239752 much. I like the people in it, and I guess I like Mr. Russ and have gotten a little used to his teaching style, but it is SO FREAKING HARD!!! And his tests. Oh, his tests are impossible. Oh my god. I cringe thinking about them. I got a 72 on the first one and a 68 on the second one. That is so.. terrible! I hate doing this bad in a class. Hate hate hate hate it. The only thing saving me is the fact that I have always done my homework. We were supposed to have a test on Tuesday, but Mr. Russ was absent, so naturally I was like ALLELUIA!! Until he was absent again the next day for the B Day kids and then absent for us again. Then I started getting a little worried. And then today someone told me he was in the hospital :( so now I feel bad. I want him to come back because I want him to be ok but...I don't want to take another test. Ha. But yeah generally, Calc is by far my most stressful class.
Creative Writing: LOVE this class. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I've grown to like the table I've been assigned to and even though we're like all in different grades we get along pretty well. We've been writing memoirs and I've been doing really well with that. I have a 96 in the class so far. And naturally, I love Miss Bauer. And I love her even more for writing me an amazing recommendation.
B Day:
B Days are far more easier and relaxing.
Euro History AP: It's hard and it's a lot of work, but it's veeeeery interesting. I like learning it. We just finished learning about the Protestant Reformation and I thought it was pretty interesting. We just had a test on it too and I think I did really well. We had another test a few weeks ago which I did pretty bad on... I got like a 74 or something. But I definitely did much better on this one. And I like Mr. Melvin a lot, he's a cool guy. He makes history interesting and he's really funny.
TV Production 1: I like it when we actually do stuff, but there are maaaany classes where we just sit there and do nothing. As much as that sounds relaxing, it gets boring sometimes, since I may want to be a communications major in college. But yeah. Idk.
GT: Loooove it. My GT pass is like sacred to me. I love getting to go home and take a break from the school day as well as getting to eat GOOD food as opposed to the crap they serve us in our cafeteria. But I do have to work. I've basically just been doing a bunch of photoshop tutorials that Mrs. Wagner showed me on some website. If I apply to be a graphic design major though, I have to hand in a portfolio with VARIOUS types of art. So I have to learn how to draw and paint and all that shit again. So I tried doing a watercolor painting today and um....failed. But that's ok. It was fun. Blah and I have been so lazy about keeping my GT journal. But now I have to definitely do it.
Food and Nutrition: It's pretty fun now that we have actually been cooking stuff. So far we have made a fruit salad, vegetable platter, orange smoothie (it tasted like a creamsicle.... so good), and oatmeal raisin cookies. I've learned so many new things from that class that I never even would have thought of. It's a very practical class to have. Except we had a sub today so I wanted to die of boredom because we just sat there and did busy work.
Earlier this month, I visited the University of Michigan. Mennen's sister Liz showed me around from the student's perspective which was cool because she has a lot of school spirit and loves her school lol and then I also went on the campus tour. I loved the school and the whole college town atmosphere...but I did NOT love the school for what I thought I'd love it for: the art and design school. On the collegeboard website they talk about how there are tons and tons of different art majors, all of which sounded amazing to me, like graphic design, cinematography, etc, etc, so I thought that if I didn't like my major I could easily switch into something else. Nope. It was all a lie. There are no art majors, except for art and design. You take mandatory art courses your first two years in drawing, woodworking, metalworking, ceramics, and other crap. WHAT THE HELL? I don't wanna do that! I wouldn't even touch a computer til junior year and that's so not how I roll. It turned me off from being a graphic design major soooooo much, even though I know most schools probably arent' like that. But seeing the art and design school...I dunno. I dunno if I feel comfortable in that "art" environment all the time. This is why I'm considering being a communications major instead. I love everything about communications and I feel that it might be a better environment for me.
Speaking of college, I'm taking the SATs tomorrow. Except this time, I am VERY well prepared. I've been doing SAT tutoring since the beginning of September and have learned sooooooooooo much more than from that shit ass SAT class I took last year. I hope I do well because if not, well I just might cry. I am nervous as hell but I am confident this time around that I will get a much better score.
And as of now, I decided that I am applying to:
Syracuse University
Northeastern University
University of Michigan
Boston University
and Ithaca College
But that's a whole nother discussion in itself.
And now I'm sick of writing this.
So...until next time kids!
<3
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